3 Steps to Create Relationship Polarity

This might be the first time you’ve heard of the concept of Polarity, so let’s get gather some relatable context.

You may be familiar with the elusvive “spark” — a mysterious and delicious martini stirred with the right amount of hormones and chemistry. We’re here to tell you it’s not. What you’re feeling is Polarity.

The biological differences between men and women drive what each is attracted to. A masculine man is on average more attracted to a feminine woman, and a woman is on average more attracted to a masculine man. You’ll see some forms of this polarity in everyday life. The famous male sports athltete may be with a incredibly feminine influencer type model. Or, the executive finds himself with his executive assistant.

Lionel Messi and his wife, Antonela Roccuzzo

Masculinity and femininity each have a variety of dominant traits or “energies.” Many of these traits are polar opposites of each other. As a result, this feminine-masculine dynamic is often referred to as Polarity. Let’s look at some of these traits.

Masculinity is often defined as:

Goal driven
Assertive
Clear
Logical
Focused

Femininity is defined as:

Intuitive
Collaborative
Nurturing
Creative

The characteristics have some evolutionary roots. Think about men as the hunters and women as the gatherers. Evolutionarily roles my have been more intertwined and mixed, but on the average males more likely participated in hunting roles and women participated in childrearing and gathering roles.

Hunting is goal oriented and focused. Childrearing is collaborative, intuitive, and nurturing. Women also had to navigate complex interpersonal relationships with each other and potentially assertive and dangerous men who could both protect and hurt them at the same time (still very issue for many women today).

With this history in mind, male and females have developed an attraction for valuable traits in the other.

Since men can now DoorDash instead of hunt and women don’t have to (to the same extent) bring communities together for survival, these likely evolutionarily driven traits are no longer the critical choices they were in the past. However, they still drive attraction.

Today, these traits are often in conflict with each other. In a male dominated workplace where male traits (assertiveness, structure, etc.) are rewarded, women may have to act more like men to blend into the culture and meet the benchmarks of success. Men may need to be more guarded to not come across as overly aggressive or hostile. When they are children, men may also be taught to be more accommodating to navigate challenging relationships at home.

Polarity drops when men and women take on many of the traits of the opposite sex.

Since polarity is often the “spark” in the relationship — why does it die over time? Often in a relationship, dynamics develop where each side slowly stops appreciating the other. The feminine starts criticizing and controlling the masculine (i.e. shows up more in their masculine). The masculine shuts down. Likewise, the masculine fails to connect with and appreciate the feminine. The feminine withdraws and feels unsafe.

Relationships are partnerships and in those partnerships challenging moments can erode the appreciation of the contributions and energies of each pole of the polarity. Sometimes, these challenges require each person to take on the dominant traits of the opposite polarity. For example, an illness can drive the feminine to take control of all aspects of the household or the masculine to take over as nurturer. Over time, the passion slows and while love and friendship may still exist, the spark is gone.

Only by reconnecting with our innate sexual energies we can we rekindle these fires. To note, these energies don’t have to be gender specific. In same sex relationships these poles can still exist. Social drivers, traumas, the need to fit in or accommodate situations can erode our natural energies. At Taken & Claimed, we’ll help you rediscover these energies and the essential polarity in our relationships.

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